Being a Pagan Student

This new academic year has begun and freshers has now passed. It was a hectic time for me and the other society council members as we put on the events and met the new pagan students of Falmouth Uni. By the end, I was asleep by 8pm and felt like death, narrowly deflecting Fresher’s Flu.

I had a hard think about what would be useful to the freshers. Being Pagan has a diverse meaning so we needed to cater to everyone. I recently saw an article about how freshers is all about drinking and it excludes new students, but that wasn’t the case at our uni, nor can I imagine that was the case at all. Our first event was a tour of the groups magickal, mystical and natural spots. I was pretty nervous throughout freshers as the society wasn’t really successful last year and I’d grown comfortable with the group. This year, we had freshers to get through and attract as many people as possible. The tour went well and lit up the imaginations of five freshers. We visited places such as The Grotto, a pond in the shape of a star with a war memorial near by, built by American Soldiers, surrounded by a tall wall of bamboo and near by a stream; a fertility statue built into a wall, hidden by trees, The Walled Garden, which encompasses an orchard; Tremough House Garden, a lovely italian-style garden which accompanies the old convent, and we ended with the Chaplaincy cottage, the hub of inter-faith relations.

The Star Pond at The Grotto during the Chaplaincy Tour for Pagan Students

The second event we’d put on was a gathering for the Eclipse. I really did not expect 20-30 students to turn up, most of them with no idea on what was expected of them. I have never led a ritual for any more than three, so it was incredibly daunting and I didn’t intend to, as I’d written on the event ‘individual ritual/meditation’ so when everyone asked me what they were doing, I could have died. I did not come prepared, but I should have expected lots of non-pagans with no experience, really. The numbers after that fell, unsurprisingly. I apologise to those that thought I was going to lead a big dramatic ritual, with drumming circle, passing round a shisha pipe, chanting under the eclipsed moon, or whatever it is people do at festivals. In my mind, it was going to be something much more quiet and personal. The energy that was invoked however was amazing, a few other freshers picked up on it. I guess there really is strength in numbers.

Just some of the students that turned up for the Lunar Eclipse gathering! 

The last freshers event we had was our Mabon feast. Mabon is the second harvest festival, a time for reflection, giving thanks and wining and dining yourself before winter comes around. It was a lot of fun. We went to Zizzi’s as it was easy, provided for lots of different dietary requirements and preferences and was no-fuss. We’d under booked.

As time goes on, as president I’m seeing a lot of pressure on me, again it was something I should have expected but coming from an ‘easy’ year or desperately trying to pull in members and not putting on any big events because of this, going from one extreme to the next was quite maddening, to fulfil spiritual duties. As president, everyone looks to you for advice and wisdom, something I’ve not before experienced. It was lovely though to see so many people interested in Paganism. Especially when I was told during my time as a fresher that it would not be popular. I’m having a lot of fun with this though and I’ve made a lot of new friends. It’s everything I was hoping for when I was a fresher.

My new friends 😀 

xo

Transition: What I Did Last Summer

So, I’m back after a long stint away from the keyboard. I’m in my final year of university now and keeping myself incredibly busy. My modules are going pretty well, I believe that my novel should be finished by Christmas. After finishing the first draft and not looking at it for three years, I feel like I’ve now acquired the necessary skills to see what I was doing wrong and put it right. That was my purpose in coming to uni. It wasn’t like I came to Cornwall for the nightlife, or to get away from my family; or to throw money I don’t have in to an elitist institution for the fun of it. No, my aim was to have The Ascendant finished by the end of my stay here. However, my Novel Writing module seems to be just the catalyst I need to get the motions moving. It’s pretty damn exciting.

The summer, much like university, has been a time for transition too. I was working two very different jobs, I lost and found some core people in my life, not necessarily the same ones. It was a roller coaster from start to finish and yet, it didn’t really feel like anything happened. When I was asked what I did over the summer, all I was able to say was ‘work’, and yet, even just from work, I felt myself changing. It had been a couple of years since I’d been in a job and since that experience, I’ve not wanted to go back into retail, or employment. I didn’t like how vulnerable you were when working for someone. I didn’t like feeling like a punching bag for customers and the employer. I haven’t been back inside the shop since. I haven’t even been into the other ones I didn’t work at because all I thought of when I saw them was the bad stuff. How I’d cry, or fall asleep, or both, when I’d get home, if I was lucky. If I wasn’t, then I’d cry at work, making sure I’d shut myself away somewhere first. It can be hard to think of the good when there’s a lot of bad stuff about.

This summer, I was afraid it would happen all over again. I picked up some work as an Avon Rep, delivering to friends, family and the neighbours. I liked that job because I love make up, I liked not working for someone else and I liked meeting new people. That was the first step to gaining my confidence. The second was when my sister offered me a job at the pub where she works. I was hesitant and so anxious that I’d end up with a horrible boss and I’d have to plan a murder or something. Getting into the swing of things and getting to know my work mates took a bit of time but I did get confident and I was pretty good at what I did. The experience of earning money again was a thrill I had forgotten existed. However, I still didn’t have a large amount of money as seeing my friends and family was still top priority, despite having two jobs, because once you go to uni, you don’t really see much of people. You can’t afford to.

My best friend Jess cheering me up on a night out after having a hideous time with a friendship break up. 

The best part was hanging out with my sisters. It’s somehow easy to forget how much you miss them when you’re busy working a lot and you realise just how much you’re not around to see. That’s the hardest part. I was able to have a lot of interesting bonding experiences with my family. The situation with my friends changed a lot too. It’s like the saying goes really: You win some and you lose some. I expected that if something like that ever happened, I would have been a lot sadder than I was. Don’t get my wrong, I was pretty hurt, but I felt a little prepared for it. Like all of the previous arguments we had had begun building up a wall for me. If it had come out of no where, it would have hurt a lot more. And at first I thought: ‘I don’t have any friends now’. Then I had to take a step back from what I’d been thinking, slap myself in the face, and tell myself to ‘Stop being stupid, you’ve got loads of mates’. And I started to talk to and hang out with them more, alongside my family and I realised that when people love you, they don’t expect you to have to put in a load of effort all the time and they appreciate it when you do. When you love them, you want to but it’s not always viable. I’ve tried to show the same patience people show to me, back to them. I feel more secure.

My sisters et moi lunching in my final week back home

The last phase of this transition was moving house. Same landlord, different house and a lot more problems. Will I ever rent from a private landlord again? No. If being at uni has taught me anything, it’s that landlords are more than happy to rip you off a bit of dolla and they think they are in the position to do so. *

Reflecting over the summer, I see that I have changed. Maybe not physically, maybe not deep down in my soul (I’m still forgetful, forever tired, and at times have difficulty concentrating) but I am wiser. My plans are becoming clearer and I’m coming back out of the shell that I’d put up over the last year. Now I’m back at Falmouth, I’m feeling much better for it. How was your summer? Have you felt a change of self? xo

 

 

 

Feature Picture by Cummings Photography

*I’ll probably write up on this further in the year

Gender Politics

I’ve been thinking of writing for this for some time but have often dropped out of the mood to write it. Today I am ignoring the urge to not write anything and I think this is an important topic to write about. It started off as a question that I dared not to physically ask. I have a friend that, when we met, identified as being a ‘non-binary trans’. As an English student, I know what these terms mean. Had I have not gone to university, I probably would have had no idea. LGBT+ issues don’t generally tend to pop up in Yeovil. Everything is pretty conservative and traditional. Homosexuality is a thing, obviously. I have lots of gay/lesbian/bi friends but there isn’t much of a known trans community in Yeovil and LGBT+ issues aren’t all that talked about. it’s not like there are rainbow rallies at any point through the year, through the Quedam and down Middle Street. So, have I have not gone to uni, extended my vocabulary and met a great range of new people, I would have been completely ignorant of what my friend was talking about and would have absent mindedly agree with that they had said about their identity without having the guts to ask what it meant due to embarrassment.

However, I’m not completely clued in. I don’t pretend, well actually, I do a little, to know everything about the LGBT+ community and their issues. Not wanting to sound silly, or offend anyone, is what it all boils down to. So I was talking to my friend when I referred to them as a man. My friend corrected me by using the term ‘person’ and I felt a little silly and apologised. I then began to think about what I’ve called ‘the pronoun game’ and I know I’m not the only one to talk about it, but I am going to talk about it now. He is male. She is female. It is non-gendered. They is plural. Where does the person that does not feel they fit into a particular gender ideal fit in terms of the English language? It feels for too impersonal and inhuman. Using they is a breach of grammar rules. Do we completely invent new pronouns? I have seen the use of ‘Xhe’ and words surrounding this but I would have no idea how to pronounce this in a sentence. I saw a Tumblr debate on this. There were lots of comments that said that they respected the choices of Trans people on changing their gender identity and using the correct term that suits them. However, lots of people refused to change their language for those that could not identify with any given gender norm.

I wasn’t sure where I fit in this ‘debate’. I thought about it on the bus home a few weeks ago and I felt that gender wasn’t necessarily a yes or no question any more, and it may we be a case that it can’t be in the future. Of course, that’s hugely speculative of me. Instead of exclusive categories, I instead looked at gender as a spectrum, like colour. Masculine on one end, feminine on the other and people dotted about all over the place because I’ve never met a man that is ‘all masculine’ nor have I ever met a woman that is ‘all feminine’. Of course, that is masculine is a social construct anyway and these things do change from place to place and over time. I’m also aware of people not wanting to be on any part of the spectrum; genderless, but not sexless. So when it comes to pronouns, are we addressing gender, or are we addressing sex? Because gender and sex are different. Sex is male or female, and is decided upon which reproductive organs we are born with and which hormones we have rushing around our bodies. Gender is masculine or feminine- boy or girl, which is decided upon by our culture, social rules and regulations. One is outward and one is inward. One can effect the other.

This isn’t really meant to be educational in any sense, but reflective. Is our language far behind our time? Have our culture and politics out run our language? Do we need updating? And how would all this happen? Studying English Language A Level at Yeovil College gave me a lot of insight into how the language evolves or remains the same. When our society as a whole is evolved to a point, then our language too shall change. When everyone is knowledgeable about gender issues then the language shall be modified to suit the needs of the people. Right now, we’re just not at that point yet. ‘Xhe’ isn’t going to catch on for quite a while with the majority, if that’s the term non-binary, genderless, androgynous, unisex ect. people wish to be identified as. Maybe in the future gender will cease to exist? Can it? Who knows.

Thanks for reading guys, see you soon! x