The Maths Of Feeling Lonely

I read The Age of Loneliness by An Author’s Life, and this is supposed to be a bit different but aware of the mentioned text. I don’t know how to mould the content so I’ll just have to see where it takes me.

So, unsurprisingly this is today’s topic because I woke up feeling lonely today. I’d spent this weekend staying with one of my best mates from home who attends Plymouth University. There were laughs and there were tears. All in all, it was a great weekend. I find loneliness one of the most frustrating feelings of all though. I wake up without George (the fiancé) every morning and it’s lonely. I go about my morning, getting ready and doing work by myself. That get’s pretty lonely too. The afternoon progresses, I might see people on campus. I might get a phone call from George, I might actually have social plans formed and yet, but that point, in can be pretty hard to know when to turn that switch off.

And I know, it’s not just me. This weekend alone, I realised that a lot of people around me feel it too. Being around people can be a distraction but when the distraction is over, you are left with yourself and for some people, that can be pretty damn scary. Some people say that the outside world is scary but I believe that our own minds are even scarier. At the end of it all, you are born alone and you die alone. There’s one voice alone in your head. It’s the internal that can be most dangerous.

View loneliness as a warning bell.

When you feel so sad that you can’t do anything and the silence gets too much, and the lack of company gets too much, it’s time to go find some. That’s not always something you can do, like me waking up alone in the morning. That’s something I have to endure until George visits again. But there are times when you can do it. If you’re at home, watching stuff or playing games, whatever it is, go and seek out those you live with. Parents get taken far too easily for granted. They are there to help you and they’d probably tell you you were being silly if they saw you choosing to remain alone when you are feeling lonely. Being around people doesn’t always help satisfy it, but it certainly can help. Especially when they are people that you are close with and trust. If they aren’t, then perhaps don’t bother with them.

last supper

The issue with loneliness is that it comes in so many forms. Moving away, losing a partner, losing friends, being overloaded with work, losing a pet, and there are probably  loads more. Loss in general is enough to trigger loneliness, whether someone walks away or is taken from you, a hole, no matter how big or small, will open up in your life. Equally, other big events can make you feel lonely as you’re having to replace sociality with whatever is currently consuming your time. Social media and virtual experiences of people, aren’t enough to satisfy the need for actual human contact. 

I was going to call this ‘The Art Of Feeling Lonely’ However, loneliness isn’t like over thinking. It’s not something that takes you to places, regardless of if you want to go there. Loneliness just happens. It’s not tied to age or experience. At the age 6 I felt lonely. At the age of 15 I felt lonely, and now, nearly 21, I feel lonely. I’m dead sure that it won’t be the last time that I feel lonely either. So, I’ll call it an equation of maths instead, where loneliness is a feeling of subtraction in your life. Something has been taken away which has made you feel this void. It might even not be something you’re aware of. The subtracted could be you. Before this feeling, you may have enjoyed being alone. It’s something that many people are good at; but then something happens inside yourself and you realise that you don’t enjoy your own company any more. It happens.

The thing with maths, is that you can add things to your sum. When you feel something has been subtracted, add something, or someone. Experiment. The numbers you add don’t have to be huge, or daring. They don’t have to feel like a leap. There’s no point in over compensating. Do the maths that you can do and the loneliness should take care of it’s self.

Thanks for reading everyone (: See you soon xx

 

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