I Am Not A Warrior

Today, I’m not a warrior.

I’m a worrier.

Today, I’m not a survivor,

I am the weak.

Today I’m not happy,

I’m miserable.

Today I break the things out of reach

and pull away from those that are.

Today my tears fall like rain

and gush like rivers upon my face.

Today I feel sick to the stomach

I am blinded by a sense of loss.

This loss has no cause

but cause strife

this heartache knows no cause

but to cause misery in my life

This pain that fills my heart

knows no medicine, no relief,

except of that I can not reach.

Yesterday I felt misery at your misery

Today I feel misery at your happiness

Misery is a game that cannot be won

It’s a self-proclaimed damnation

A self-damning of the highest decree

to make yourself sad with out cause

or justification

I am not a warrior,

Today I am just a worrier.

I am not a survivor,

Today I am just the broken.

I am not happy,

Today I am just miserable.

Where do I find solace?

Sanctuary? My mind is a prison

That I am bound to, such

pains, I would rather see death

than to live out my days with this misery.

Surely, there is a medicine for this illness

a medicine I am too cowardly to seek.

How does one alter a life long affliction as this?

How does one find a light in all this darkness?

How does one stop the heart from breaking?

These things have no cause, not purpose

they just are.

Today, I am not a warrior,

I am a worrier.

Today, I am not a survivor,

I am the weak.

Today I am not happy,

I am dying.

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