I’m back to share my update of the house move. It’s been one week and it’s been crazy, or rather, I’ve been crazy. I’ve gotten on really well with my house mates and Wednesday we attended the first big quiz of the year (and it really was big). I’d never been to anything like that before so it was a good first experience. We sat down for a house meal which was lovely. Turkey meat balls with pasta and Ragu. Was lovely. I was feeling really nervous when our house leader, Tam, was talking about doing things jointly. I’m so used to doing things for myself and getting by by myself that it felt weird to suddenly be in a house with, well, friends. So, I got anxious because we hadn’t properly organised how we were going to do it and I may or may not have hid in my room as much as possible. After finally plucking up the courage to ask how we were going to split everything I felt much better. I seek to find order out of chaos and when there is none, I go into a total meltdown until there is.
I’ve missed George, my boyfriend, an awful lot. Even that sounds like an understatement. After spending one hundred and twelve nights together, I think that not sleeping well would be fairly obvious. I feel grumpy, disorientated and actually, in a spot of pain. Yesterday, I arrived to my two-hour class forty minutes late due to me somehow reading my timetable wrong and thinking class started at two instead of one. I was then surprised when we finished at three, instead of five. So what happened in Thursday nights sleep? Well, I’m glad you asked. I woke up several times with the fear there was a spider in my room. One came before bed, George had showed me the big house spider he had decided to keep as a ‘pet’. I am deathly afraid of spiders. I woke up to the sound of my raised voice. I have no idea what I was shouting about. I lastly woke up after having one of the worst nightmares I’ve had in a while. In this, my mum had confessed that my dad was not my real dad and that she’d had an affair. My dad was really depressed. I had fallen out with one of my best uni friends and she was being quite bitchy towards me. I was best friends with Lennie from Of Mice and Men, but George was just a guy that Lennie had recently befriended. I didn’t trust this George and I was right not to because he tried to kill Lennie! He through Lennie into a river in a big bag and Lennie couldn’t swim. I was on the banks with lots of people trying to find him, but there were so many bags that were being washed out to sea that we couldn’t pull all of them out. The panic was awful. However this nightmare wasn’t totally bad. My George was with me every step of the way. He cuddled me up when I’d learnt about my dad. held my hand in class when I was scared about facing my friend, and he helped me look for Lennie. It was when I woke up and realised that it had just been a dream and that George wasn’t really with me, that I felt real sad. To the point of crying sad. I had an awful headache and cramps. I knew what kind of day was going to follow on. On waking, I received a text from my mum with the first line ‘I’ve got some bad news’. I couldn’t read any more. I suddenly became really scared because the dream had felt so real. I did read the text though and it wasn’t too serious so, that was something to be thankful for.
I guess I have been worried about George and our relationship, understandably. We were together for the longest time yet and now I’ve come away again and we haven’t really made any kind of routine like last time. I think I found last time much easier due to the fact we did talk a lot more. I’m hoping these things just come back into being. It feels unbearable not knowing what to do. I need to get back into doing Supernatural night again, that’ll help. Last year I had my three best mates come over to my house for a night of Supernatural- plaid, pie and henna anti-possession tattoos. It was all very fun and I can’t wait to get back into it.
Oh! I forgot to mention! I’m setting up a new society as well- The FXU Pagan Society. I’m very excited about this. I’ve drawn up a list of events and things to do; I’ve looked through the application process; I’ve made a Facebook page which has gained quite a bit of attention and I have people interested in wanting to be a member of my council. It’s all very exciting. I know this will help me to settle back into things. I’ve done some pretty arty things which are the three bottle decorative piece below and, due to the Pagan Society, I’ve been approached by a magazine which would like it to have a feature! I wrote my piece last night (probably was a bit longer than the editor had hoped for) but I hope it’s fine. So, despite being a grumpy sod, I do have things to look forward to. George is coming down next weekend, so that’ll be amazing. We haven’t been out on the town for a long while but he got a bit drunk last night with his workmates so now that I’ve seen him successfully drunk without me there, I’ve going to drag his arse out on a pub crawl with me next weekend!
But Sam, you haven’t written in a while? Why and why now? Well, funny you should ask that, my readers. I’ve had a lot of reading to do so I’ve been pretty busy with that and I just haven’t had the motivation to write because I’ve been feeling so sad. I’m writing now because I feel sad, and because, finally when my sleep is good, I get woken up at 8am by the builders coming in and doing work around my room. Which is all fun and games. I feel groggy as hell. I had a bit of a late night after skyping a friend I haven’t skyped in a while, bless him for cheering me up on a cold, miserable night, and waiting up for George.
Anyway, this is the first of a few so, brace yourself! Thanks for reading and see you soon x