I Look To You

In today’s post, I want to talk about my role models. Now, for some reason, I find it difficult to categorise myself and I always have. Some have said I am blonde, some brunette and some ginger. I define myself as having caramel hair. Some had called me, back in school, ’emo’ and some called me a ‘chav’. The kids in school said I was butch, my parents said I was too girly. I was never easily defined and I was ok with this. I was ok with moving freely among people and groups. This has led to me holding lots of different interests, as I’m sure you can tell by my blog topics and lots of different role models.

Role models are so important. Your first role model is often a parent. Mine will always be my mother. Growing up, my household wasn’t particularly kosher. My dad had a drink problem which caused my mother a lot of pain. I’ve always seen my mum as the strongest person in the world because every time I saw or heard her break, she’d get back up. The world kept on moving and so did she. Years later, she did the scariest thing imaginable and left. She took my sisters and I and we all left. At the time I couldn’t believe it. I was shocked and scared and I wished it hadn’t happened but a year or two later I realised it was the best thing she could have done. In this act, she showed me that you don’t have to stand there and take it. You can do something about it. You are just as strong as they are. You are free to do as you choose.

My second role model would be my sister. Often a person my look up to an older sibling, a bit like you would a parent. Seeing as I am the oldest, and my half siblings didn’t really choose to have much of a relationship with me, I chose to look up to my younger sister. Rach is younger than me by a year and I grew up noticing how she always managed to get attention. She was a talented gymnast. She was smart and very good at maths. She was pretty. She held a lot of promise. I always felt like I was hidden by her shadow. When I was getting moving up the ranks in Taekwondo, no one really seemed to notice because Rach’s medals shone too brightly. I didn’t mind too much. It hurt a bit but eventually I got over it. She was always much more daring than I was. She’s feisty and quicker with words than I am. She experienced most things before I did. She fell into the wrong kind of crowd and it was expected. As I was physically a lot stronger than she was, I was always able to keep her in check but that’s my sister. My second role model.

With the growing media attention into the plus size fashion industry, I too have been captivated. I’m not a plus size women. I’m M/L in normal sizes but hearing that women that, in my eyes, look more like me than the ‘straight size’ models do, are up on catwalks; it inspires me. I think it’s wonderful. Finally, my body type is being considered as beautiful. It’s being appreciated. Growing up, I was always a lot bigger than all of the other kids. I was taller and broader. I played a lot of sports and I was stronger. I always felt that these things made me less feminine. I didn’t have thin arms and long thin legs. I didn’t always have a slender torso. I grew up thick, curvy and strong. This movement, along with my supportive boyfriend, showed me that I am feminine. I am gorgeous and I am sexy. Finding the model Ashley Graham really helped my self image. I found her Tedx talk to be inspiring and her pictures are gorgeous! I’ve also watched A LOT of Loey Lane videos and Loey is an incredible woman, too. She helps so many women and really puts critics in their place. I relate to these women and I really so think they are beautiful. My mum’s weight changes quite a bit but she’s usually a bit bigger than I am. She’s always putting herself down and judging herself harshly. I grew up seeing her criticise herself. Seeing these women love themselves and how they look, in my eyes, can only do good on peoples esteem. It’s done my esteem the world of good.

Writing is also an area that I have role models in. I’m currently, but very very slowly, writing a YA novel. I read a lot of Young Adult fiction of the supernatural kind, and I’ve grown quite fond of a certain few authors. I find their writing styles and the capacities of their imagination to be incredible. Lauren Kate and Maggie Stiefvater are the women that I look up to. Stiefvater in particular has a great social awareness and really does keep her fan base going through the use of social media. She’s clearly very multi talented and her Raven series really has gripped me so far. Kate is a bit quieter but her Fallen series was no less brilliant. I hope to write as imaginatively as these two fantastic authors.

So, these are my role models. Who are yours?

Thanks for reading guys, see you soon x