Ok, I’m not sure what to call this post yet, so I’ll just got with it and let you know at the end. Religion and spirituality is a pretty controversial topic. My family are mainly pretty atheist, until it comes to important rites, which they will then go to church for. Faith isn’t really something spoken about in my family so learning about it in school, for me, was interesting. Everyone always complained that learning about the ways other people thought about unanswered questions and having to learn about their rituals, but I always found it so fascinating. It was other-worldly.
As you may have read from my first post ‘Hello World!’ is that I am Wiccan and have been for five years. This has been a very slow and progressive journey for me. I don’t often talk about Wicca as I like to keep it personal to me, but I do also love to talk about my path. I’m aware that I live each day as a contradiction. In this post, I’m going to talk about the crucial moment that helped my figure out where I stood with religion and spirituality.
The real moment for me was sitting in a year 8 history class and being told to write a letter from the perspective of someone in Pompeii during it’s fall. My teacher told us to close our eyes to feel how they felt. I closed mine and let myself explore. I fell deeper and deeper, seeing faces, hearing names. I felt the pain of loss. I felt the pain of loss for someone that didn’t ever exist? I opened my eyes and knew exactly what to write in this letter explaining the events of that day. My teacher read through my letter and said that he was very impressed with what I had written. It was almost like I was there. I thought about it and thought about it throughout my time at school, only talking to one person about this memory, my best friend Sonika.
At some point later during this year I went to watch Percy Jackson and the Lightning Thief and I adored the film. Something hit me, something like a lust for something to believe in. This led me to look up Greek and Roman gods. I’d always enjoyed learning about the Romans and their beliefs. So I looked them up again to recap on what I had forgotten. Roman Neo-Paganism. I barely knew how to pronounce the term. I thought I had found my calling. I did more digging into what this ‘neo-paganism’ was and found Wicca. My mind really blew when I found this. Witches were real? Could I be a witch? So I did an extensive online search, talking to other witches on Facebook and learning the craft online. Ever since I was a little girl, I’d always wanted to be a witch. I used to call myself a witch, until my parents told me witches weren’t real and I had to grow up. For years I didn’t let myself think about witches and the craft until Halloween. I couldn’t be anything else. I liked faeries but… a witch was what I was. It was like telling a tiger to be a cheetah.
I went to my local library near the end of my time at secondary school in search of books I could not afford. I didn’t really find anything on Wicca or Paganism but I had found one on past life regression. I had to get it. I had to find out more about Pompeii. I had to know if it was real. I can’t remember what the book was called off the top of my head but I found it fascinating. I’d never felt the need to read a book like that before but it was so interesting. The stories of all the different people that had been regressed had inspired me. The book had a regression exercise in the back which I tried out with Sonika. We both saw something. We both saw a fraction of previous lives.
I have always found art and music to be quite hypnotic and dangerous hobbies. I sing, I cry. I play my guitar and I fall asleep. I draw and ‘Daniel’ from 1901 jumps out. This drawing happened a good year or two before I took out the book. Don’t ask me how these things happen. They don’t all the time, just when I feel particularly meditative. I wanted to give you this before I told you what I saw in the regression because I believe they are linked. When I closed my eyes to meditate, I looked fancy. I was well off, but pretty unknown. I made sure I was unknown for a reason. I was off to a party where I met blue eyes and blond hair. I met a charming man named Daniel. At this point, I chose to believe in reincarnation. It seemed logical to me. I never spoke about this to anyone else because I came from a family of sceptics. I was already thought to be the ‘soft hippy kid’. No matter how hard I tried the label always stuck so I just kept my thoughts and feelings to myself; breaking conventions every now and again, for fun.
So I’m at the point where I know who I am now and was twice before. Whether it’s real or not, I don’t really care, because I believe. Having something to believe in makes this world more tolerable. Hope makes it magickal. That’s all I ever hoped to find.
Thanks guys, see you soon! x