Battling the long distance relationship

We have all heard that long distance relationships don’t usually work out for the best, yet we also hear that, due to the internet, they are becoming increasingly common. In this post, I’m going to discuss the pros and cons of forming, and being in, a long distance relationship.

Mine didn’t start out as a long distance relationship but it might as well have. We’d dated for about a month before I had to move away to go to university. For some reason, George wanted to stick around, knowing full well that I couldn’t properly come home for about three years, and I was bloody thrilled. I was looking forward to three years worth of adventures with this man. After the first year, I can say that I have learnt a lot and I am now ready to share my wisdom with you.

  1. When you both get together, it is the most incredible feeling. Whatever reason has kept you apart, and no matter how long you’ve been a part for, it all becomes irrelevant. You’ve got each other back and you’ve got to make the most of it. ┬áThat doesn’t mean that you have to go all out, splashing cash and doing yourself up to the nines, although that is fun. It’s about embracing your partner and enjoying their company, whether you’re spending all day in bed together, or spending the whole day out, having adventures.

The problem with this however is the ‘Sunday feeling’ you get as your time together comes to a close. I haven’t found a way to get over that yet, except to think about the next time you can see each other. I was lucky because I got to see George once every couple of weeks, but I know that a lot of other people don’t have that luxury. Having things to look forward to after you and your partner say goodbye again also helps. It helps to fill the hole until you meet again.

2. In this day and age, you have very little reason to feel sad about missing someone. It sounds a bit hard, but it’s logical. Make the most of Skype and the internet while you’re apart. While you’re apart you may find yourself or your partner being clingy and you just have to accept that it’s going to happen. If you really like this person you and they won’t mind. I know that being virtually close isn’t quite the same as being physically close but it really is the next best thing. Appreciate what you’ve got. People a hundred or so years ago wouldn’t have had this privilege and they survived.

3. Jealousy is something very real. Cheating is a lot easier in a long distance relationship and is a very real threat. If you don’t show your partner you can trust them while you’re apart then this can cause a lot of painful arguments, likewise, if you don’t show your partner that you can be trusted, this too may cause you to break down. Trust is the biggest factor making or breaking this relationship. I found it far too easy to be envious of others that my partner wanted to spend time with, but I had to remember that George also felt jealous of others. Jealousy is natural. How you act on it is what determines the success of your relationship. By being honest with your partner about how you feel and letting them know about your day can really help. You need to be sure that you can trust your partner not to cheat on you. If they have been promiscuous in the past that may be a red flag. You need to be sure that this is something you both want. George and I spent a lot of time reassuring each other that we wanted this relationship. Reassurance is good.

4. Having arguments does not mean your relationship will fail. You don’t have to be scared after your first or fiftieth argument that you will break up (providing neither or you have committed some kind of huge atrocity or breach of trust). In my relationship we had an argument nearly once a week. We probably could have set a timer each week to warn us when our next argument was coming. What matters is how you solve the problem and reconcile the differences between you. I know that it may seem crap at the time but what you have to remember is how amazing your time is together. Do you argue as much together? Probably not. I know that George and I don’t. It helps if you talk things over. Texting and messaging usually makes things worse unless you’re more confident and conveying your opinion and expressing yourself through writing, because you’re unable to reflect tone and body language.

5. You need to be sure you’ve got similar goals and that you can relate to each other. Your partner also needs to be your friend. I’ve had a lot of my friends ask me for relationship advice in the past, whether it’s long distance or not, and it all comes down to the person you want to be with. Planning future events helps. Setting goals helps. Growing with this person, whether close or far away, helps. If you can’t see a future with the person your with, then your long distance relationship probably isn’t going anywhere.

I hope this helps anyone who’s in my position, or has been in my position, or has been relatable to anyone that’s been in a similar position. Cheers for reading x

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